The Boy with the Bread and the Girl on Fire
by Mooon River and Me
Summary: The untold story of Katniss and Peeta and their love in the form of differnet songs. I own none of these characters or The Hunger Games. Please R&R!
1. Nothing

_**** This is my first songfic, but not my first fanfic, but please be nice in reviews all the same! I'm going to continue on this chapter with more chapters, but with different songs to base those chapters on. I really hope you like it! This chapter is based on the song "Nothing" by The Script.**_

_****Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or storylines or anything really that is associated with the Hunger Games nor do I own any of the lyrics or song rights that go with "Nothing".**_

**Peeta POV**

_Am I better off dead?_

_Am I better off a quitter?_

_They say I'm better off now, _

_Then I ever was with her_

_As they take me to my local down the street_

_I'm smiling but I'm dying, trying not to drag my feet._

Katniss. The only girl I've ever loved, I've lost. The one who was with me through literally everything is now out of my grasp. I've done it. I've chased her into Gale's arms. Allow me to explain.

After the Hunger Games, for one fleeting span of time, I was convinced that I'd finally won over the girl that I'd loved. The only girl I'd ever love. But then, I had it so humiliating told to me that it was nothing but an act. An act of survival on her part. She never loved me. She was only playing the cameras and playing me. So, naturally, being the fool that I am, I chased this beautifully wonderful girl away and into the arms of my competition. She's with Gale now that the cameras aren't on her. And here I am, headed to a pub with my friend Burkley, and Haymitch.

The words "am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter?" run through my mind as I seriously take the time to consider them. Without Katniss, I probably am better off either dead or a quitter, rotting and giving my body completely to alcohol like Haymitch has. They tell be that I'm better off now that I've given up the hope of really having her. As they lead me, I smile and put on a brave face, while in all actuality, I'm dying on the inside and it's seriously taking all my effort not to drag my feet across the square.

_They say a few drinks will help me to forget her_

"C'mon Peeta, it's not _that_ bad! Just have one more beer, ale, vodka, white liquor, whatever you want! I promise it'll make you feel better! Just look at how good it makes me feel," Haymitch goes on and on about how I need to lighten up and drink a little more. Yes, Haymitch, I completely want to turn out exactly how you did, I think to myself sarcastically. But still I suppose one more drink couldn't hurt too much. With an approving look from Haymitch and a wary one from Burkley, I lean over the counter to the bartender and say,

"I'll have another ale," and with that, I drink my sorrows away.

_But after one too many, I know that I'm never_

This had to be my seventh drink. As I drink it in, I begin to think about her. Katniss. The girl I've loved my whole life. How could she do this to me? How could she desert me like she has? How could she leave me for Gale? Why doesn't she love me? Is this what it feels like to be insanely drunk? I look to my left and see that Haymitch has fallen asleep on the counter, in his drunken stupor, but Burkley is looking at me with a concerned look on his face. He tries to get me convinced to go home, but the only way I'll sleep tonight is if I can get this undying pain out of my system.

_Only they can see where this is gonna end_

_They all think I'm crazy, but to me it's perfect sense_

_And my mates are all there, trying to calm me down_

_Cause I'm shouting your name all over town_

_I'm swearing if I go there now,_

_I can change your mind turn it all around_

_And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words_

_And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred_

_So I'll dial her number and confess to her_

_I'm still in love, but all I heard_

_Was nothing._

"Peeta, don't do this to yourself!" Burkley shouts at me as I exit the pub. Haymitch stumbles drunkenly after him, but I'm on a drunken rampage. Burkley knew it would end like this, and he thinks I'm insane for it, but in my mind, it makes absolute perfect sense. He catches up with me now, trying to calm me down while I shout her name all over town.

"Katniss! Katniss! Katniss!" my screams echo blankly off the walls of houses. Burkley catches up with me and tells me that there's no use and that we should just go back to either the pub or home. But I know I can't.

"Burkley, you don't understand! If I go there now I can change her mind, turn it all around!" When he astutely points out that I'm completely wasted, I answer "I know that I'm drunk, but I'll say it, and I'll make her listen, even though it's slurred," I plead with him. In the end, he says he won't let me go to her house, but I can call her using the phone they recently installed outside the pub. I go back and dial her number. When the phone is picked up, I don't even wait to hear her say hello before I plunge on in.

"Katniss, I love you. I know this isn't exactly the best thing for you to hear right now, what with you and Gale hanging off of each other ever since we got back, but it's true. I need you so much right now. I went off drinking with Haymitch and Burkley, which probably wasn't the best idea right now, but it did make me see one thing. This can't go on any longer. I love you more than you will ever know. I've loved you since you first sang that one song in grade school. I loved you before the Hunger Games. I loved you when you volunteered for your sister. I loved you when you pushed me out of the elevator for confessing my love for you on national television. I loved you when you cared for me when I was sick. I loved you when I cared for you when you were sick. And even now, after the games and even though you're with Gale, I still love you with all my heart. I c-c-cant…I c-c-c-cant…" I trail off as I dissolve into tears and wait for her to say something, even if it's just something to tell me that I'm being stupid and I need to get sober before I talk to her again. Even if it's a scathing remark, I need to hear her say something. But no. All I hear is nothing.

_So I stumble there_

_Along the railings and the fences_

_I know if I faced her face_

_That she'll come to her senses_

_Every drunk step I take leads me to her door_

_If she sees how much I'm hurting,_

_She'll take me back for sure_

The moment I realize she's not going to say anything, I slam the phone down and head in the direction of her house. I have to go there. I have to see her. Katniss.

"Peeta, Peeta no! Now Peeta, we agreed upon this!" Burkley trails behind me and tries to pull me back, but I continue to stumble there, gripping the railings and the fences for support. I'm not even sure where Haymitch is at this point, but I don't particularly care either.

"Burkley, understand this," I slur badly. "Katniss cannot stand it when anyone she…has spent any amount of time with is hurting. So all I have to do is look her face to face and she'll come to her senses," I'm nearing our houses now, and with every drunken step I take, I get closer to her door. "If she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back, I know it," I assure Burkley. Still, he doesn't look convinced. I'm almost there now. A couple more houses down. So close. As I near the door, I start calling her name again and again as it echoes dully against the stone houses in front of me.

_And my mates are all there, trying to calm me down_

_Cause I'm shouting your name all over town_

_I'm swearing if I go there now,_

_I can change your mind turn it all around_

_And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words_

_And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred_

_So I'll dial her number and confess to her_

_I'm still in love, but all I heard_

_Was nothing._

I go to the door. I knock and lean against something solid for support. My eyelids droop from the strong influence of alcohol. When the door opens, though, I open my eyes as wide as I can, expecting a full confrontation with Katniss. Instead, I get to look at her mother.

"Why Peeta, what on earth is going on?" Her mother then inhales deeply and smells the alcohol on me and backs off. "Katniss is in her room I'm afraid, and I don't think she'd want to deal with you in this state anyway," she backs away and tries to close the door, but I have to get one last word in.

"Does Katniss have anything to say to me? Because I have a LOT to say to her and I know I can make her listen, even though I'm so darn drunk. I can change her mind, I know I can! Does she have anything, anything at all to say to me?" I question her, my slurring now so bad, I don't think even I understood what I said.

"No. Katniss has nothing to say."

_She said nothing_

_Oh, I wanted words_

_But all I heard was nothing_

_Oh, I got nothing_

_I got nothing_

_Oh I wanted words_

_But all I heard was nothing._

_Oh, sometimes loves intoxicating_

_Oh you're coming down_

_You're hands are shaking_

_When you realize there's no one waiting._

She said nothing. Nothing. She had nothing to say to me. All I needed was to hear her say something, anything, and she said nothing. As I stumble back to the fence that lines the houses, I lean down and bury my face in my hands. I feel Burkley come up behind me and try in vain to comfort me. No one can comfort me. No one but Katniss, and as we've already discovered, she has nothing to say. Nothing at all. I promptly throw up all the alcohol that I've consumed in the bush next to me, and it's then that I realize that my hands are shaking. It's then that I realize something else too. All those times in the games, I thought she was waiting for me. I don't know why, but it always just felt like she was waiting for me. Even after the games in the interviews and such, I felt like she was waiting for me. Now I realize that there's no one waiting. No one at all. The tears begin to flow again as Burkley helps me up and leads me to my house.

_Am I better off dead?  
>Am I better off a quitter?<em>

_They say I'm better off now_

_Then I ever was with her_

_And my mates are all there, trying to calm me down_

_Cause I'm shouting your name all over town_

_I'm swearing if I go there now,_

_I can change your mind turn it all around_

_And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words_

_And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred_

_So I'll dial her number and confess to her_

_I'm still in love, but all I heard_

_Was nothing_

_She said nothing_

_Oh, I wanted words_

_But all I heard was nothing_

_Oh, I got nothing_

_I got nothing_

_Oh I wanted words_

_But all I heard was nothing._

_Oh, I got nothing_

_I got nothing_

_I got nothing_

As I get back into my house and shower, I replay the entire evening. I think those words again. Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter? I know that they said that I was better off now that I wasn't with her, but that's not true. It can't be true. She is the only one I've loved. I remember myself wandering drunkenly through the streets shouting her name while Burkley tries to comfort me and make me stop. I remember calling her, confessing my love, and hearing nothing, and then having the same incident repeated at her house again with her mother. All I wanted was to hear her say something. But no, all I heard was nothing. I got nothing. I try and say this over and over and maybe it'll be easier to accept. I got nothing. I got nothing. I got nothing…


	2. Almost Lover

**Katniss POV**

_You're fingertips across my skin_

_The palm trees swaying in the wind_

_Images_

_You sang me Spanish lullabies_

_The sweetest sadness in your eyes_

_Clever trick_

The phone slipped from my numb fingers when I heard him break down and cry. Peeta. The one I had spent so much time with lately was hurting because of me. He was crying because of me. He was drunk because of me. He was in pain; emotional pain that I know can turn into physical pain, because of me. By the time I pick up the receiver again to say something, all I hear is a dead end on the other line. I've missed him. I didn't get to say what I wanted to. Now, I'm not one to be hurt by boys or anything like that, but the more I thought about him, the more I wanted to just curl up in my bed and cry. Which I promptly did. I walked up the stairs and curled up under the covers, thinking of all the good times we had once shared. His fingertips across my skin, the trees swaying in the wind in the background of the games. Those blissful days that we once shared during the games. That happiness. Images flash through my mind. His beautiful face hovering over me while he nurtured me back to health, the sadness in his eyes when he realized I was pretending in the games. The heartbreakingly, beautiful sadness in those beautiful eyes. Why did I cause that?

Wait. Did I really only pretend in the games? Seriously, if I was only pretending, why is his heartbreak hitting me so hard right now? Why am I crying over this amazingly beautiful boy if I was faking all my feelings for him?

And then I realize this oh so clever trick: I wasn't pretending. It was all one hundred percent real, only I was too afraid to admit it to myself or to anyone else because of my previous, mixed up relationship with Gale. But honestly, what was I thinking? Gale was only a friend. That's how it was meant to be.

_I never wanna see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same_

_For me_

I never wanted to see him unhappy. Never. Even if I unintentionally hurt him, I never wanted that. He should be happy, very happy. He has everything he needs, why would he let me destroy him? Why am I letting him destroy me? I thought I'd shown him that I'd only ever wanted the best for him; I thought he'd want the same for me. Now, my mind is overcome with selfish thoughts about why I'm sulking over this boy. I'm on the verge of tears for this boy. This confusing, wonderful, beautiful boy with the bread. Why am I so mixed up about this? Why can't it be easy?

_Goodbye my almost lover_

_Goodbye my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?  
>So long my luckless romance<em>

_My back is turned on you_

_Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

As the tears tip over the side of my eyes, I think about him. Peeta. About how much I've lost him. About how selfish I am. About how much heartache I've caused both of us. And it's then that I decide I'm terribly selfish. I need to do the right thing now, instead of what Katniss wants. The right thing…what even is the right thing in this situation? What would be best for Peeta?

And then I understand what I must do: I must take myself out of his life. I have to say goodbye to the boy with the bread. This boy…I have to leave him before I've even officially gotten into his life. How is this fair?

I prepare to say my goodbyes to him. Yes, I have to prepare to say goodbye, even if it's only in my head. So, Peeta, goodbye my almost…almost what? Almost lover. The moment I think it, it seems perfect. Goodbye my…hopeless dream. Another good name for this situation. I'm trying not to think about you, Peeta. Why can't you just leave my thoughts and let me be? So long my…luckless romance. Wow, I'm just on a streak here, thinking of perfect names for this impossible situation between Peeta and me. My back is turned on you. Well, not yet, but believe me, I'm going to attempt to get it that way. I should've known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do. Look at your dad. My mother was his "almost lover" if you will. And that ended in heartache. You and me. We ended in heartache too. It seems to be the inevitable ending for all of these situations.

_We walked along a crowded street_

_You took my hand and danced with me_

_Images_

_And when you left, you kissed my lips_

_You told me you would never let me forget_

_These images_

_Well I never wanna see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same_

_For me_

As I lay there in bed, crying, I can't help but think of all the other wonderfully horrible memories I now have of him. That time when we walked along the Capitol street after winning the games and he took my hand and danced with me. I revisit this memory now, remembering every word.

We were simply walking along this street when, all of a sudden, he takes me and starts dancing with me.

"Peeta, what in heaven's name are you doing?" I ask while laughing. Although this is all pretend, my stomach flutters for some odd reason. Weird.

"Don't you hear it?" he asks while smiling down at me. "Listen," so, I close my eyes and listen hard. Far away I think I can hear a faint melody that would be Peeta if he were a song. Soft, sweet, but with a taste of strength to it. It was absolutely perfect. I looked up at him and initiated a kiss, thinking it was all for the Capitol. We danced a little more, while every photographer from the Capitol was taking pictures and ooohing and awwing at us. I can see it perfectly now.

That's all gone now.

The next image that floods my mind is the one of when we left to get on the train to go home. He dragged me aside and kissed me sweetly on my lips. I kissed him back, not sure why since I didn't think that there were any Capitol people or their cameras around. When he pulled back, he looked directly at me and said, "I won't let you ever forget the wonderful things that have happened since we won the games. Although we've gone through so much hurt lately, I'm so glad that you're in my life Katniss Everdeen. I love you," and with that we left to board the train.

Such powerful moments, only to become faint wisps of memories now. Long gone.

My selfishness is taking me over again. I'm wondering how he could do this to me. Isn't it obvious that I only ever wanted him to be happy? Why can't he make me happy? Why am I so selfish? I shouldn't be thinking of myself. I hurt Peeta immensely and now I can only think of me. I'm terrible.

_Goodbye my almost lover_

_Goodbye my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you _

_Can't you just let me be?  
>So long my luckless romance<em>

_My back is turned on you_

_Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

I decide to recite my goodbyes to Peeta again in my head. Maybe block out some of these images. Goodbye my almost lover. Goodbye my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you. Well, not entirely. I'm just trying to make my remaining memories bearable. Can't you just let me be? Not the good, loveable Peeta, whom I'm thinking about, but the sad haunting Peeta who makes me feel worthless. I want to keep the memory of the good, loveable Peeta. So long my luckless romance. I've never had that much luck with any romance. My back is turned on you. I should've known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do. I miss you so much; I can barely stand it…

_I cannot go to the ocean_

_I cannot drive the streets at night_

_I cannot wake up in the morning_

_Without you on my mind_

_And so I'm gone and you're haunted _

_And I bet you are just fine_

_Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out_

_Of my life?_

Everything I think about, I think about you. Peeta. My one love. I cannot go to the little lake I used to visit, or any vast body of water, for fear that I'll remember that blissful week we spend together in the games. I cannot walk the streets of District 12 at night; otherwise I'll see you in everything. In the icing of the cakes, in the sunset, in the very stones of the street, because everywhere I look, I run into one memory or another of you. I cannot even wake up in the morning without you on my mind. I'm extracting myself from you're life, and from the previous phone call, I can tell that you're very much haunted. But I bet that, in time, you'll be just fine. You can move one easily. There will be another girl who is worthy of you love, where as I'll be stuck. Alone. Did I really make it that easy for you to walk right on in and then promptly walk out of my life?

_Goodbye my almost lover_

_Goodbye my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?  
>So long my luckless romance<em>

_My back is turned on you_

_Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

Maybe if I say goodbye, one more time, I can go to sleep. As I drift off, I think those final goodbyes.

Goodbye my almost lover. Goodbye my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be? So long my luckless romance. My back is turned on you. I should've known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do…


	3. Why Don't You Love Me?

_****So I just wanted to say that it is a sign that I'm writing this chapter for my songfic now because as I wrote out the first words, the song this chapter is based on came on…yes that is a good sign…please enjoy and review! You've no idea how much a review can make an aspiring authors day!**_

**Peeta POV**

_See, I can't wake up_

_I'm living a nightmare_

_That keeps playing over again_

_Locked in a room_

_So hung up on you_

_And you're cool with just being friends_

"Peeta, come over here!" Katniss calls over to me. I look up and see her sitting in the middle of a forest, smiling, laughing. She beckons to me with her hand to come over. I smile like a fool and walk on over to her. She's sitting on a rock big enough for at least two, but she stands, makes me sit down, and then promptly sits in my lap while leaning her head against my shoulder. She kisses me. When she pulls back, she gives me a knowing smile.

"I love you," she declares to me. I look at her more closely to see that she's not kidding. I kiss her more passionately and when I pull back I say:  
>"Not half as much as I love you," and kiss her nose. She gets up suddenly and starts walking away. "Katniss?" I call to her. She doesn't even look back, but continues to move father into the forest. "Katniss! Come back!" she doesn't even look back once. She just keeps walking until the forest has completely devoured her and I'm left sitting alone on a rock that seems far too big suddenly. I open my eyes to find myself alone in bed, moaning her name, and covered in a cold sweat. Also, I've never had a hangover, but I bet that if I talked to Haymitch, he'd say this banging pain in my head is definitely part of it. As I get up, I walk to the bathroom and throw up. Again. Yep, this is definitely a hangover.<p>

I look over into the kitchen for some breakfast only to find that I have no idea what to eat when I'm hung-over. What won't make me puke my guts out? I have not one clue, so I decide to just go back up to my room and lock myself in it. I don't want any company today. I take a short shower since I'm disgusting and I then go back to bed. I lie down and think about my dream, slowly turned into a nightmare. That seems to be a good way to describe my life since the games. Such a wonderful dream I'd stepped into with her, and all of a sudden, after a few weeks, I'm thrust into this nightmare. I can't wake up from it. It keeps playing over and over again. Dreams, nightmares…normal ones always end. But this nightmare that I'm living in…it's not normal. I can't wake up. I'm living it.

I roll over and shut my eyes tight, attempting not to cry. I miss her so much. If my brothers saw me now, they'd call me a wimp. It's true I guess. Here I am, locked in a room, so hung up on this amazing girl. I want her so much, it hurts. It hurts that she doesn't want me the way that I want her. I want her, now and forever, but I want so much more than she does. I want something…_real_. I want the real deal. I want to be able to say "Hey, this is Katniss Everdeen, my girlfriend." I want that kind of reality. But no. While I'm here, stuck in this room hung up on her, she's okay with just being friends.

_Left on the sidelines_

_Stuck at a red light_

_Waiting for my time_

_And I can't see_

She's moved on. A bitter thought crosses my mind. Her and Gale. Images of them flash through my mind. She'll be happy with him forever. They'll grow together and love together. I have an image of her in a white gown, getting married to him, not me. She's moved on from me straight into his waiting arms. She left me behind on the sidelines. I keep waiting for her to look back, like in my dream, but she keeps moving on. I remember hearing about how, in better times long, long ago, there were cars on the streets throughout this entire place. There were lights that would help direct traffic. A red light meant stop and a green one meant go. It's like I'm stuck at this red light, waiting. Just waiting. But I'm starting to wonder if it will ever turn green. Hers is already green, and she's moved on. I'm just waiting for my time to come, but I'm beginning to wonder if it ever will. All I can see is her. I can't see past my love for this amazing girl, even though she's moved on. Why doesn't she love me?

_Why don't you love me?  
>Touch me<em>

_Tell me I'm your everything_

_The air you breathe_

_And why don't you love me, baby?_

_Open up your heart tonight_

_Cause I could be all that you need_

_Oh, why don't you love me?_

_Why don't you love me?_

That's a fair question, Katniss. Why don't you love me or touch me, the way I loved and touched you? Why? I need an answer. I love you so much Katniss. So much. You are everything to me. My world as of right now, is literally a miserable pit, just because you're not in it. Why can't you tell me I'm your everything? You are legitimately the air that I breathe. Why can't I be that for you?

Why don't you love me Katniss? I believe that you could love me, if you honestly tried, you could come to love me. Surely all those things in the Games weren't fake? But then again, maybe they were. But if you would just open up your heart to me, surely you could tell that I can be everything that Gale is, and more! I could be all that you need. Why don't you love me Katniss? Why don't you love me?

**Katniss POV**

_See, I'm just too scared_

_To tell you the truth _

_Cause my heart ache can't take anymore_

_Broken and bruised_

_Longing for you_

_And I don't know what I'm waiting for_

"Come on, Katniss, hurry up or the surprise won't be nearly as fun!" Peeta calls over his shoulder to me. Instead of hurrying up, per his request, I stick my feet firmly in the ground until he looks back, smiles while heaving an exasperated sigh, and jogs back to where I stand in the grass. He swoops down and kisses me softly while threading his hands through my hair. I kiss him back, but he's pulling back too soon. "Now come on or else," he says, mock serious. I grab his hand and skip along to where he's headed.

He leads me from our small little field in district twelve into the forest. Now, I've been in the forest a million times, but the path he's taking me on is completely unfamiliar to me. After a little ways, he leads me to the opening of a huge meadow, complete with beautiful flowers and a bubbling river.

"Oh, Peeta," I softly exhale. It's beautiful. I couldn't imagine a better place to spend with my new love. It's soft and beautiful, but also completely safe and sweet, just like him. He leads me to the middle of it and we lie down and look at the clouds. Slowly, the clouds turn into stars, and I marvel again at how beautiful the world is. I also marvel at how I'm suddenly able to compare all things that are beautiful to Peeta. Like the stars. They're beautiful and bright, just like my Peeta. I take a deep breath, pull my head back, look at him, and say the words that I've wanted to say for so long, but just been too afraid to.

"I love you, Peeta," I declare with absolute certainty.

Instead of him being ecstatic and returning my declaration with his own, he unfolds me from his arms and leaves me alone in the suddenly cold night. I call his name once, twice, and then again and again until my voice is hoarse. I wake up from this nightmare then, screaming out the name of my one and only love.

My mother walks in, hands me a glass of water, and asks if I want to talk about it. I shake my head while silent tears fall down my face. She looks at me sadly, wipes the tears away with her hand, and leaves. I slowly drink in the water and then decide I should probably shower. I'm covered in a cold sweat and maybe a shower can help this unbearable pain in my chest. I'm doubtful, but it's worth a shot.

A half hour later, I step back into my room, with the same pain in my chest. Yep, that shower didn't help at all. I walk back to my bed and curl up like a little girl under the covers. I didn't cry in the shower because I felt simply…numb. But now that I'm back in bed, I feel like I'm falling apart. The tears start up again, and I want more than ever to be able to tell him that I love him. I'm just too scared to tell him the truth. In my dream, I told him and he rejected me. My biggest fear. I'm afraid that if I were to tell him, he'd reject me like in my dream. I don't think I could take that. I'm already being selfish enough, but now I think I'll be even more selfish and withhold this from him because if he didn't love me back, my heart ache couldn't take it any more. I know I brought most of this upon myself, but I'm legitimately broken and bruised. My body feels broken and bruised, along with my heart. It's left me sick, shriveled up and dying on the inside. That's the best way I can describe it. Like I'm slowly dying from the inside out.

So, instead of doing anything about this, I'll just lay on my bed, longing for you, Peeta. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I think you still might love me. I think. But after what I said, or rather didn't say to you yesterday on the phone, combined with the fact that I'm "with Gale" now, I believe that you are over me. What was I waiting for?

_Left on the sidelines_

_Stuck at a red light_

_Waiting for my time_

_So just tell me_

You know what, it's perfectly fine. It's fine that he moved on. It's fine that he sees me with Gale now. It's fine that he… who am I kidding myself? I'm completely not fine with any of this. I'm stuck at the sideline, and he's moving on with his wonderful life. He should be, but he should be with me. I'm so selfish, but I want to move on with him. I'm not sure how I can move on without him. It's like I'm stuck at one of those red lights that there used to be. Just waiting, waiting for my time. I wish someone could tell me when my time is going to be. And something else I would love to know, Peeta, is why don't you love me?

_Why don't you love me?  
>Touch me<em>

_Tell me I'm your everything_

_The air you breathe_

_And why don't you love me, baby?_

_Open up your heart tonight_

_Cause I could be all that you need_

Seriously Peeta, why don't you love me? Or touch me, for that matter? Ever since we got back from the Games, you've been distant. You haven't said one full sentence to me until your drunken outburst. Instead of that, I would've preferred a sober conversation, telling me I'm your everything. That sounds pretty selfish, until I consider the fact that you are my everything. You're the air that I breathe, why can't I be the air that you breathe? Peeta, why don't you love me? My world is an empty void without you. I know, I'm one hundred percent positive, that if you were to open your heart tonight, you would see that I'm all that you need. We could be all each other ever needed, Peeta. I need nothing else but you.

**Peeta POV**

_Oh, why don't you give me a reason?_

_Please tell me the truth_

_You know that I'll keep believing_

'_Til I'm with you_

Katniss, give me one good reason why we shouldn't be together. You can't. You know that we belong together, Katniss, you have to. I just want the truth, please tell me the truth. But I know the truth. I know that until you completely convince me that you want him and not me, I'll keep believing, until I'm with you. I love you Katniss, I can't live without you.

**Katniss POV**

_Why don't you love me?  
>Kiss me<em>

_I can feel your heart tonight_

_It's killing me_

I think it again as the tears fall heavier than they have before. Why don't you love me? Why don't you kiss me or even want me? I can feel you're heart, Peeta, I know that you want me. You have to! It's killing me to know that we're not together; it's killing me so much.

_So why don't you love me?_

_Touch me_

_Tell me I'm your everything_

_The air you breathe_

_And why don't you love me baby?_

_Open up your heart tonight_

_Cause I could be all that you need_

_Oh, why don't you love me?_

Why don't you love me? Touch me; tell me I'm your everything, the air you breathe. I want nothing more than to know that you feel this way, still, about me. I need to know that. Why don't you love me? If you opened up your heart tonight, I could be all that you need! Why don't you love me?

**Peeta POV**

_Why don't you love me?_

Oh Katniss, why don't you love me?

**Katniss POV**

_Why don't you love me?_

Please, Peeta, tell me, why don't you love me?

**Peeta POV**

_Why don't you love me?_

Katniss, I'm begging you, why don't you love me?

**Both POV**

_Why don't you love me?_

Why don't you love me?

_****So I have a few things to apologize for.**_

_**First off, sorry if this chapter is crap, I wanted to just finish it up so I could move onto my next chapter which I have a killer idea for, and I feel like I'm excited for the first time about this in a while.**_

_**Second, I'm sorry I haven't updated in FOREVER I rekindled my obsession with Gilmore Girls recently and I also received the first 6 seasons of Supernatural (Dean is my husband, back off anyone else) So I've been slightly preoccupied lately :)**_

_**R&R!**_


	4. Fall for You

**Katniss POV**

Days went by after that. The days then turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months. Months went by into years before I approached Peeta again. Actually, that's not true. About a week after his outburst, we tried really hard to act like everything was normal. He and I went out on a picnic in the field in front of the forest. He even packed cheesy buns, just like I love. We were actually having a decent time, when he decided that we needed to talk about what had happened.

"Katniss," he began, but I cut him off before he could get much more out. I didn't want to talk about this today of all days, just when things had been going great for us.

"Peeta, let's not discuss this now," I say to him, hoping that this subject will be averted. No such luck.

"Why can't we talk about it, Katniss? I mean, it's obvious it happened and while you may be content to just sit by and let the awkwardness soak up, I think that we should talk about this so we can get it out of the—"

"Peeta, no!" I say, much more assertive than I mean to be. I immediately regret snapping at him and attempt to fix it. But, like everything else that happens with us, it was too little, too late.

"Well," he says with a sad look in his eyes, "I can see that we aren't on the same page right now. I wish we could be at the same place at the same time, but that doesn't seem to be a possibility for us, does it? All I wanted to say was that I love you Katniss. I always have, always will. But me loving you means that I have to let you do what makes you happy. So I'm going to leave now and let you get on with your life," he stands and kisses my forehead, and, despite my protests, he leaves without another word. I had momentarily been elated that he still loved me. But then he was leaving again, just like that.

And that was the last real contact I've had with him in 2 years.

Sure, we said hi in the streets and when I bought his buns, we'd make small chit chat, but we couldn't ever get past the fact that we are obviously more to each other than just friends.

Eventually, I had to move on with my life. I began to date Gale because well, he was there and because I believed that he could truly fill the gap that Peeta had left. He didn't even come close, yet when he proposed to me, I said yes. I knew this was as close as I'd get to a happy ending. He proposed a while before he was ready for marriage though, because he had a job offer in District 2 and wanted me to go with him. I couldn't exactly say no, seeing as he is my fiancé now. So we left. I took one last look out the window of the air craft that would take us there and thought about my Peeta. My almost lover, my hopeless dream.

Then another year past, making this the year anniversary since I've left, and the two year anniversary since Peeta ended it.

I've decided to go back.

Maybe this isn't the best laid out plan, but I have to go back and see Peeta again. Word from District 12 has been brought to District 2 that his father died and he took over the bakery and took an old run down mansion and turned it into the perfect house. I've even seen a picture of it, and boy does it look like Peeta's craftsmanship. I have to see it. I have to see him.

"Hon, do you want me to go with you? I'm sure work could last without me for a few days," Gale offers to me. I have to decline it. I don't know what exactly is even going to happen with me and Peeta.

"No, darling, I need to make this trip alone. I'll be gone three, maybe four days. I'll call you when I land there tonight." With that I leave his office and head home, preparing to make my departure.

District 2 has turned me into a girl that hardly resembles the old Katniss Everdeen. When I was younger I would run around, hunting in the woods with my hair braided down my back, not caring one bit about my appearance. That's changed now. I look at myself in the mirror, trying to decide how to do my hair. I compare my hair to my outfit to decide what would look best. I'm wearing my light blue dress which is slim fitting all around but then at about the knees it cuts off into a slightly flaring ruffle that extends to mid calf. Over it, I wear a cardigan that is lacey with bits of blue and yellow intermingled. It's one of my best dresses. But I'm unrecognizable from my old self. In a vain attempt to make Peeta remember me better, I do my hair like my mother did for the first Hunger Games. Then I prepare to leave.

The ride there is unbearable. Since I'm in an aircraft, it's faster than if I were to go by train, but still, I have to wait for three torturous hours. I get up and pace up and down in my cabin until I finally settle in my room for the last twenty minutes, trying to calm my beating heart and stop the shaking that began in my hands and has now progressed until every body part is shaking, save my head. I can feel the aircraft descending now. In only a matter of minutes, I'll be seeing my Peeta.

I land quite a ways from District 12 so I have to rent a car that I'm surprised my old district has bothered to get. I start driving on the dirt road and I take in my surroundings. I look at all the shops I used to know, and see difference. District 12 is definitely better off now. No more kids roaming the streets looking for food, no more run down buildings. They've even taken down the electric fence that separated the forest from the rest of the district. A smile appears on my face.

I then pass the bakery. I stop the car and get out. I look in the window and my breath immediately catches in my throat as I let out a little "oh, Peeta," in a sigh. His flowered cakes and beautiful buns are the same as always. They bring back memories of sunnier, better days before he got into that drunken rage. I missed that. I missed him. With one last glance, I headed out to the house.

When I pull up the drive, I wonder if he's even home. Out in the shed, there is a noise, but I barely register it, seeing as I'm too distracted by the house. It's beautiful. It's made of beautiful wood, painted white with yellow shutters. There is a tower room, just like a castle, a small balcony peeking around back, and a wraparound porch. It screams of Peeta. It's the most breathtaking thing I've ever seen.

Out of my peripheral vision, I see something move out of the shed. I look closer and put a gloved hand above my eyes to shield the bright sun from inhibiting my sight. There he is. Peeta. My Peeta. He's standing there with a look on his face, I can't quite decipher. Shock? Happiness? Horror? Perhaps all three of these things?

"Hello," I call over to him. "Um, I came by because of all that I've heard about this house and the bakery. I really love what you've done with it." He just stands there, looking at me, and I realize how foolish I must seem to him. Some stupid girl, acting no older than a teenager, here to get her ex almost lover back while she's engaged. I must seem ridiculous. "I shouldn't've come. I'll just be on my way," and with that, I bolt back to my car and get in it. I start the ignition and begin to drive, only to run into the white picket fence that surrounds the perimeter. I sit there and hyperventilate for a moment or two until I hear footsteps approaching the car.

"Do you want something to eat?" Peeta looks in and asks me.

"Sure," I say breathlessly, and I follow him into the house.

_The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting_

_Could it be that we have been this way before?  
>I know you don't think that I am trying<em>

_I know you're wearing thin down to the core_

Four hours later, I'm sitting in the living room with Peeta sipping a cup of hot coffee. It has grown dark and we've been sitting up, simply chatting like old friends. He's just said something funny and, as my laughter dies down, I look across the room at him and smile while my heart inflates like a balloon making it hard to breathe. He's still the same Peeta. He doesn't regret a thing. He really hasn't changed, something that's come as a relief to me. So, I tell him so.

"You haven't changed a bit, Peeta," I say to him with a smile on my face. He even looks the same, same longish dirty blonde hair, same blue eyes, same smile and recognition when he looks at me. Nothing has changed between us. Well, unless you count the fact that I'm engaged and we aren't as together as we used to be.

"Oh, really," he says, and I detect a sense of teasing in his voice. "Nothing has changed?" He gets up and starts walking around the room, maybe so I could see him better. I guess what I said isn't completely true. He's grown taller, more tanned, and more muscular. But the same basic Peeta. But he's looking for me to say something different about him, so I do.

"Hmm, well let's see," I begin. "Maybe you've gotten…a bit taller? You do look more tanned than when I last saw you. Perhaps all the time in the sun? And, oh my Peeta Mellark, do I detect some extra muscles on you? You've been working out haven't you?" I say while looking at him, jokingly. He comes over, sits in front of me, and nods with a small smile on his face. _You're so perfect, Peeta. What ever when wrong?_

Judging by the way the smile falls from his face to be replaced by a look of utter shock, I think I've spoken aloud without meaning to. Poop. Of course, I had to go and ruin the perfect happiness that we had going. The best thing that was even about tonight was that we weren't fighting. Was there ever really a time before when we weren't? Oh yeah, the time I was "faking" my affections for him. Looking into his eyes, I know that he thinks I'm not trying to find a solution here. I know that he's worn thinner and thinner over the years, and he's continuing to wear thin down to the core. He's getting tired of my games. Who wouldn't?

"I should go," I say quietly. He nods and leads me to the door. We embrace briefly and, as I head back to my car to go to my motel, he calls my name and I look back. He looks so perfect, leaning against the doorjamb in a white t shirt with the light from inside illuminating him.

"Will you…um will you maybe come by tomorrow? I haven't exactly shown you all the things I've done with this place," he looks so eager that I can't exactly say no.

"Sure," I say with a smile on my face. I then raise my hand in a farewell to Peeta.

What am I doing?

_But hold your breath_

_Because tonight will be the night_

_That I will fall for you_

_Over again_

_Don't make me change my mind_

_Or I won't live to see another day_

_I swear it's true_

_Because a girl like you is impossible to find_

_You're impossible to find_

All the while on the way home, I think about Peeta. All of these old feelings have now been unearthed. Do I still love this man? What about Gale? I mean, it would be kind of cruel to just leave him behind in the dust. But there isn't much point in denying the obvious: I'm still very much in love with Peeta. I should've known what I was getting into driving here. As I pull in the gravel driveway of the Inn I'm staying in, I can't help but thinking, hold your breath, Peeta, because tonight might just be the night that I will fall for you, all over again. Please, don't make me change my mind. I couldn't bear switching back and forth again. I couldn't bear another day if I were to do that, I swear it's true. A boy like you, Peeta…you're impossible to find.

_This is not what I intended_

_I always swore to you I'd never fall apart_

_You always thought that I was stronger_

_I may have failed but I have loved you from the start_

_Oh, but hold your breath_

_Because tonight will be the night_

_That I will fall for you_

_Over again_

_Don't make me change my mind_

_Or I won't live to see another day_

_I swear it's true_

_Because a girl like you is impossible to find_

_It's impossible_

The sun was streaming through my window waking me up the next morning. I look at the phone and saw that I had three missed calls from Gale. I listened to each one, growing more and more nervous and annoyed.

"Hey, love, it's me, just calling to check up and say I love you! Can't wait to see you again!" Hell hotel party of one is where I'll be living for the rest of my life.

"Hey dear, it's me again, noticed you didn't call me back and I just wanted to talk to you. I miss you honey!" Beep.

"Hey darling, I'm going to stop calling because I bet I'm getting on your nerves," Yup. "But anyway, I'm going to be out of town for two days in the Capitol to pitch my new idea. I love you! Call me if you get lonely!"

As this last one ends, I can't help but feel guilt wash over me. A lot of guilt. But, in all honesty, I shouldn't feel guilty…yet. I have done nothing. But my heart just jumps in excitement at the thought of going back to see Peeta again. I get that feeling like a small animal is burrowing into my stomach at the thought of a whole day with him. Anything can happen.

I pulled up into the drive wearing a sheer yellow dress that's very flowy. It goes down to my knees and blows in the light wind. There's a matching scarf that I wear with it, and I have in a headband with yellow flowers. The natural curls in my hair have popped out and are framing my face. I see him walking out the door from the sound of my car and my breath is taken away. He's wearing a simple blue button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up and khaki shorts. He's a few yards away, so I take this time to control my breath and try not to smile like a moron. It's also surprisingly hard to not pounce on him.

"Hey," he says slightly breathless. "You look beautiful," he comments while leaning in and giving me a friendly kiss on the cheek.

"Oh, um…yeah you look…you just look…excellent," is my brilliant response. My face is warm where his lips have been and I cannot wait to see what will happen today. Somewhere in the recess of my mind, I feel a pang of guilt when I think of Gale, but I shove it aside, not wanting anything to spoil the moment. "So, where are we going today?" I ask to compensate for my moronic moment.

"You'll see," he says grinning hugely at me. He grabs my hand and I try to ignore the way my heart stutters in my chest. He leads me through the forest. I'm starting to think that I wore the wrong dress for this. Then again, the Katniss Peeta knew was much different and never would've worn dresses. Just as I'm contemplating asking how much longer we have to go, we emerge into a clearing.

It's the most beautiful place I've ever been to and my breath is completely taken away. Somewhere in my mind, I note that Peeta has reached for my hand and is saying something, but I can't process the words coming from his mouth.

There are flowers everywhere. Most of them, I notice with a sad sniff, are primroses. The grass is tall and soft and the birds sing as if I've stepped into a princess movie. Over in the corner there is a little lake with a small waterfall, bubbling happily. Tears prick my eyes and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because this place is so beautiful. Maybe it's because I'm just so in love with him. Maybe it's simply because I'm finally getting what I've wanted for the past two years. Whatever the reason, I drop to my knees and I feel Peeta plop down next to me. As a tear rolls down my face, I hear him say, "I made this for you."

I look over at him and see his honest blue eyes looking deeply into mine. I feel him leaning into me, and I know that he's going to kiss me, much more deeply this time, and, while I know this is definitely what I want, I don't want it. Not yet, anyway.

"Can you just…hold me for a moment Peeta?" I ask. In reply, I feel his arms snake around my waist and I feel him pull us down into lying position. I feel the tears flow down and I can't help but think that this isn't what I intended. I always swore to myself that I would never let him see me fall apart, since he thought that I was stronger. I might've failed this, but one thing is becoming painfully clear: I have loved him from the very beginning. So, in contentment, I close my eyes, rest my head on his chest to where I can hear his heart beating hard, and fall into a peaceful slumber.

"Katniss. Katniss wake up," I feel Peeta shaking me and calling my name. I open my eyes, disoriented at the darkness. Was I really asleep for hours? No, I realize, it's a storm. And it's approaching. Fast. I get up as he's telling me we need to go. I nod and he grabs my hand. It's now that I realize how wrong this is. How wrong my relationship with Peeta is right now. I'm with Gale, what am I doing here? I love Peeta, oh God I love Peeta. But it's too late. I can't do this anymore. Before I know what is happening, the tears are running down my face. We are clearing the woods and it's pouring down rain. I yank my hand out of his and look at him.

"Why didn't you try for me?" I ask bluntly. "I loved you, Peeta; it wasn't over for me that day in the meadow. I wanted to continue loving you, but you abandon me and now it's too late. I'm with Gale; I can't just up and leave, even though I still love you!" I scream at him.

"Katniss, I wanted to say something every time I saw you, but you needed your freaking space. You ran off with him, you made your choices. It wasn't over for me either. It's not even over for you now. I can see it in your eyes, how much you want me. Katniss, I love you that still stands. No matter what, I will always love you."  
>And just like Peeta, he always makes me make the final move. He won't move in to embrace me, kiss me, whatever. He'll leave it up to me, because he knows not to force me. So, it's with full knowledge of what I'm doing that I move in and crash my lips down on his, like drinking in water after being dehydrated. It's me who drags him into the house. It's me who starts the removal of clothes. It's me who thinks, yet again, hold your breath, because tonight will be the night that I'll fall for you all over again. I know you won't make me change my mind. A man like you…it's impossible to find.<p>

_So breathe in so deep_

_Breathe me in_

_I'm yours to keep_

_And hold on to your words_

'_Cause talk is cheap_

_And remember me tonight_

_When you're asleep_

We crash down onto the soft feather bed in various states of dishabille as I kiss him everywhere. When I make it back up to his lips, he kisses me back equally rough and lets his hands roam all over. I feel him breath in deep and I can't help thinking, that's right, breath me in because I'm yours to keep. I pull back, not for breath, because honestly who cares about breathing right now, but to look down into his beautiful blue eyes just to make sure he really wants this.

"Katniss, we don't have—"he begins but I silence him with a passionate kiss which he returns. I knew it would be the beginning to a long speech.

"Just for tonight darling, hold on to your words. Talk is cheap. Remember me tonight, though, when you fall asleep," I say staring down at him. He takes the initiative then to kiss me sweetly, passionately, and lovingly and lead me into a world I will loath to leave.

_Because tonight will be the night_

_That I will fall for you_

_Over again_

_Don't make me change my mind_

_Or I won't live to see another day_

_I swear it's true_

_Because a girl like you is impossible to find_

_Tonight will be the night_

_That I will fall for you_

_Over again_

_Don't make me change my mind_

_Or I won't live to see another day_

_I swear it's true_

_Because a girl like you is impossible to find_

_You're impossible to find_

I wake up seven hours later and look over at the beautiful man lying beside me. The sheet comes up around his waist so I can only see his chiseled chest, but he looks beautifully perfect. I scoot over to him and snuggle deep into him. I feel him stir beside me, and he leans down to kiss me sweetly on the lips.

"Darling, I hope I didn't complicate things for you," he says jokingly. I just doodle on his chest with my finger, laugh and say, "Love, we left completed long ago."

I press myself closer to him and kiss his chest and close my eyes, willing myself to sleep a little longer. He kisses my head, tells me he's going to drift off and how much he loves me. I assure him that I love him more and tell him I'll be there when he wakes up. Always. I think of those words one more time before drifting off. Tonight will be the night that I'll fall for you, over again. Don't talk me out of it or I won't see another day, I swear. You're impossible to find. I can't believe I let you go once. I then hug him tightly to me and fall into a peaceful slumber.

**A/N:** Well what did you think? Sorry it took FOREVER to update, I got distracted by other fanfic's. Writing that once scene was a bit awkward, and I don't want to do it ever again. I tried to tone it down as much as possible though, because I hate smut, but I honestly didn't see this ending well without them having sex. Sorry. Please R&R, I love feedback. Love you all!


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